After Arthur
by purplecat19
Summary: Five years and a day after Arthur's death, Merlin walks back into Camelot.
1. Chapter 1

Just an idea of what Merlin did after the end of season 5. Enjoy!

ooooo

Five years and a day after Arthur's death, Merlin walks back into Camelot.

He had never returned after Arthur died. The king was dead and gone, so how could he possibly unite Albion in that state?

Merlin doesn't quite remember what happened in the first few weeks. He has vague recollections of himself screaming at the lake, at the forest, giving in to his grief and anger with destruction. He'd come to his senses, eventually, when he'd nearly killed a passing farm girl by felling a tree in her path.

Then, disgusted with himself, he'd decided it'd be safer for everyone if he just stayed away from anyone.

He hadn't planned on coming back. A month ago, he was still dead-set on that plan. But then he'd realized something.

Yes, Arthur might be gone, but Camelot was not. It wasn't fair of him to just give up on everything he and Arthur had built. Arthur would have wanted his kingdom to thrive after his death, and Merlin… Merlin should have wanted the same thing.

Which he did, but he'd wanted his best friend alive and well even more so.

And besides, a Camelot without Arthur hadn't seemed right. It probably never would, to Merlin.

It would probably never seem right to Guinevere, either, but she was a wise and compassionate ruler. She had made strong allies of the other kingdoms, and peace reigned in the land. She had even declared magic legal, and Merlin was sure there must be a sorcerer or two amongst her council.

She had proven herself stronger than Merlin. She had not given up on the kingdom; she had not run from her responsibility to the people of Camelot. Merlin had.

And still he hadn't come back. Coming back would mean accepting that Arthur was gone.

Merlin walks slowly through the lower town, watching the people stream by him. It's dusk now, and many are in their homes having dinner, but the few who do pass him give him no second looks. He is a stranger to this city, one face among the sea that comes in and out of Camelot every day.

He is glad for the anonymity. They don't know that he is the one who failed their king.

He pauses at the entrance to the courtyard. The guards glance at him, but otherwise pay him no mind. There are peasants, servants, and knights walking across the courtyard, each to their own destination. He doesn't recognize any of them, and wonders just how many were killed at Camlann to need so many replacements.

Merlin knows who he won't see, though. Several months after Arthur's death, he'd gathered up the courage to check on the rest of his friends. A few special ingredients, a bit of magic, and then he could feel everyone's life forces, alive and thumping… except for Gwaine's.

The fact that Gwaine was dead had hit Merlin hard. Another part of himself seemed lost. His grief didn't take the form of anger this time; instead, he went to as many taverns as he could as an attempt at an homage to Gwaine. Suffice to say he didn't remember much of those few weeks, either.

He watches the knights in the courtyard for a while. He can sense that one of them has magic, and realizes that there must be a good amount of sorcerers in Camelot's army, now that magic is legal. It pleases him to see sorcerers and regular knights working together, but there is also a twinge of nostalgia. He wonders what Arthur would've said about there being sorcerers in his own ranks.

Yesterday was five years to the day that Arthur died. Merlin imagines the memorial that must have taken place in this courtyard, the speeches, the burning of a ceremonial cloak made specifically for that purpose. He'd considered being here for that, but he doesn't think he'd have been able to stay. He's finally figured out a way to block the grief when it wells up, but the ceremony would surely have broken through all of his defenses. Better to come after.

Merlin walks into the courtyard. Even after all these years, his feet take him automatically to his old home. Gaius is the person he wants to see first.

He'd realized, a month ago, that even though Arthur was gone, his other friends were not. And though maybe life would never be the same without Arthur, he can still enjoy their company. He misses them, maybe not as much as he misses Arthur, as that's an ache in his chest that will probably never fade, but he misses them. And there's no reason for him not to see them.

He wonders what Gaius told them about him, if he told them about his magic.

He wonders if they think him dead along with their king.

Very quickly, he finds himself outside Gaius' door. He raises his hand to knock, but he can't bring himself to. His throat suddenly feels dry. It's been so long. Too long. He wants to see Gaius and all the others, he does, but he thinks it might be easier to just leave. No one's seen him yet. He can just slip out, go back to moving from village to village, town to town, taking up odd jobs that he never keeps for more than a couple of months before moving on.

That's been the easy thing to do.

He's had enough of doing what's easy, though, and knows that coming back is doing what's right.

Merlin knocks, and gently pushes open the door.

The room is unchanged; books still lying open everywhere, bundles of herbs and bottles of potions covering every available surface, a fire crackling merrily in the hearth, and Gaius sitting at the table in front of a book, looking for all the world like a natural part of the room.

Looking straight at him.

Merlin smiles. "Hello, Gaius."

"My boy." Gaius beams at him with the biggest smile Merlin can ever remember him giving, and before Merlin knows it he's bundled up in Gaius' arms and everything feels so right and he can't believe that he didn't come back sooner.

They break apart, both smiling widely, and Gaius sits him down at the table before bringing him a cup of tea. Then he sits across from him and says, "It's really good to see you, Merlin. I wasn't sure…" Gaius' smile slips a little.

Merlin nods. "No, I know. Sorry about that. I just – I couldn't come back after – after. It just felt… wrong." He looks down at his tea, suddenly unable to look Gaius in the eye.

Gaius reaches across the table and pats his hand. "I understand, my boy. But where have you been all these years? Ealdor?"

"No. I mean, I went back a few times, but mostly I was just moving around. I couldn't seem to stay in one place for very long." Merlin's not really sure why. Maybe moving makes him feel as though time is passing faster, as though he's progressing forward somehow, as though Arthur's rise will come sooner.

Gaius just nods, and Merlin wonders if he understands.

"What about you?" Merlin asks instead, not wanting to dwell on the previous five years longer than he has to. "And Camelot? Gwen? The knights? How is everyone?"

Gaius smiles, then, a smile that fills Merlin with warmth, and he knows something good is coming. "Well, Merlin, about eight months after the battle, Guinevere had a baby."

"What? She was pregnant?" Merlin laughs, the first laugh he's had in years. For some reason the image he has in his mind is that of a mini-Arthur running wild all over the castle.

Gaius nods. "A boy. He just turned four a few months ago. Guinevere named him after his father."

Merlin smiles softly. "So we'll have another King Arthur some day." Gaius smiles back.

"Also," Gaius begins, shifting slightly in his seat, "I don't know if you've heard, but

magic is now legal in Camelot."

"Yes, I know. And I saw a couple sorcerers down in the courtyard earlier. How did it happen? Did you tell everyone about me?"

"I didn't have to. Our Guinevere figured it out, and she wanted to thank you for everything you've done. I'm sure she will when she sees you."

Merlin smiles down at his tea. It seems right that it was Gwen who figured him out, finally, without having to be told, and it was a testament to her kind heart that magic was now not only legal, but seen as a force for good.

"I'd like to see her," Merlin declares, standing. "Do you know where she'd be right now?"

Gaius smiles. "Follow me."

Walking through the castle again feels like coming back to life – awakening memories of friendship and love. There is also the hollowness of knowing that Arthur, _his_ Arthur, will never set foot in the citadel again. It takes Merlin a moment to realize they are heading towards Arthur's chambers, the way Merlin used to walk (or often run) every morning to wake the king. Merlin takes a deep breath and keeps walking, pushing away the tears that well suddenly in his eyes.

They stop short of Arthur's chambers, though, at another bedroom just around the corner. These are not Gwen's personal chambers, or they weren't when Merlin was last here, but as Gaius opens the door he realizes he really should have guessed where they were going.

"I here-bee name tee a knight of Camelot!"

Merlin stops dead in his tracks. A small boy, about four years old, is standing with a little wooden sword, his mother sitting in front of him. Merlin can't stop staring. The boy has Gwen's nose, her unruly curls, and his skin lighter than Gwen's and darker than Arthur's, but his eyes are utterly and completely his father's, the same exact blue, the same exact shape. Those were eyes that Merlin had never expected to see again.

Gwen stands slowly. She looks Merlin up and down, her expression one of complete disbelief that he is really there. For a moment everything stands still. Then, suddenly she's in his arms, hugging him more fiercely than Merlin can ever remember her hugging him. He closes his eyes and smiles into her hair.

"Hi, Gwen."

"Merlin." She pulls back, looking at him, searching his face for… something. "Oh, you've no idea how I've missed you! We all have! We thought, perhaps…"

"I know. I'm sorry. How are you?" But Merlin can't keep himself from looking past her, to the boy. Arthur. Gwen smiles and leads him over, and they both crouch down in front of him.

"Who is he, mama?" Arthur considers Merlin for a moment before looking back to his mother.

"This, honey, is Merlin. He's a very old friend of mine. Why don't you introduce yourself?"

The boy takes one hand off the wooden sword and holds it out to Merlin. "I'm Arthur," he declares, and the way he says it is just so _Arthur_ that a snarky remarkpops unbidden into Merlin's head, and he has to stop himself from saying it.

Instead, Merlin takes the boy's hand and shakes it gently. "I'm Merlin. It's very nice to meet you."

"Mama, he doesn't _look_ old," Arthur complains. Gwen and Merlin laugh.

"No honey, I just meant that I've known him for a long time."

"I could make myself look old, though. I have done it a couple times before." He wiggles his eyebrows at Gwen, who shakes her head.

"More than a couple, if I remember correctly." She pauses. "Merlin, you should have told us. We would have worked through it, you know that."

"I know, I – I see it all around me now, Gwen. That's all thanks to you. But I just – well. Keeping secrets is a hard habit to break."

"How can you look old?" Arthur interrupts.

"Merlin is a sorcerer, honey," Gwen explains. Merlin marvels at the fact that Arthur doesn't react with fear or loathing, but instead with pure curiosity. Gwen has truly managed to bring real change to the kingdom, starting with her own son.

"Can I see some magic? Can I see some magic?" Arthur is clapping excitedly now, sword forgotten.

Merlin glances at Gwen, who nods encouragingly. He remembers then that Gwen has never seen him do magic either. In fact, he has never before been asked to do magic in this castle, except perhaps by Gaius on the rare occasion he approved of Merlin taking such a risk.

Merlin holds out his hand. _"Upastige draca,"_ he mutters, and a golden dragon appears above his palm, flapping its wings slowly. It's the same spell he used to reveal his magic to Arthur, the first Arthur, and he thinks it's only right that it's the first spell his wife and son see him perform.

Arthur's eyes are alight with wonder, and Gwen is looking at the dragon fondly. Merlin glances around at Gaius, who has sat down in a chair by the fireplace and is watching the exchange. The physician nods at him, a smile on his face.

"Merlin," Gwen says slowly after Merlin has let the dragon fade away, "how would you like to be a teacher?"

Merlin frowns at her. "Me, teaching magic? I hardly know what I'm doing half the time as it is." A thought occurs to him. "Wait, Arthur doesn't have…"

"No, no," Gwen replies. "At least, not as far as we can tell. No, I didn't mean teaching magic, specifically, but maybe you could be a mentor. You care about Camelot, and you're good at protecting it. I know Arthur valued your council above all others. He became a better person because of you. Help this Arthur-" she ruffles her son's hair- "learn what it means to be brave, and true, and honorable."

Merlin finds himself blinking away tears for the umpteenth time that day. "Of course," he replies, because this is the best way, the right way, to carry on Arthur's memory. "Of course. But what does he need me for? He already has you."

Gwen smiles and looks down. "Well, two will be better than one, in that case."

"Do you think he'll be as stubborn as his father?" Merlin asks as they watch Arthur swinging his sword against imaginary enemies and telling Gaius to look and see how good a knight he was. "Should I make myself into an old man, maybe wear a funny hat? Sometimes that was the only way I could get Arthur to listen."

"Well, hopefully it won't come to that. Although it would make a good story. The wise, slightly mad old sorcerer mentoring the young prince!"

Merlin huffs a laugh. "I hope that's not how we're remembered in a thousand years."

"Oh, nevermind. Besides, you're also going to be on the council. I want you to be my First Mage."

Merlin looks sharply at her. "That would be like…"

"It's sort of like First Knight. You'd be at the same status as Leon. And we need a First Mage, because a good portion of our army are sorcerers now, but they need some training."

"No one holds the position now?" Merlin asks suspiciously. "You couldn't find anyone?"

Gwen shakes her head. "There were some good candidates. I was… I was always hoping you'd come back. I– I thought that if I filled the spot, it would mean accepting that you were gone along with Arthur." She looks at him, eyes earnest. "But I couldn't – I couldn't believe that." She looks away again, towards Arthur. "That would have been too much for me, I think."

"Gwen," Merlin whispers, "I'm so sorry. I failed Arthur. I failed you. I failed Camelot. I –" And there once again was all the guilt, all the self-loathing, all the regret that was bottled up inside him. He tries to form it into words, into a proper apology, though he knows there is nothing he can say that would make up for not coming back. For abandoning Gwen, and Gaius, and Camelot.

But Gwen, her heart as warm and kind as always, shakes her head. "You didn't. You made Arthur better. You helped Camelot become so much better. And I understand why you stayed away, Merlin. Believe me. For the first few months, all I wanted to do was to just run, leave everything behind and get far away from Camelot. It felt wrong to be here, without Arthur." She smiles lightly, watching her son with loving eyes. "But then I realized this little guy was on the way. And I knew I couldn't throw away my responsibilities. I knew Arthur would want us to be happy here, and I wanted to build a good life for my son. And of course, bringing peace and prosperity to the kingdom was important after a war. So I stayed, and I've done my best in building the kingdom we all dreamed of."

"Your heart has always been in the right place," Merlin replies. "Mine…"

"Merlin, your heart has always been in the right place also. It may have taken you some time, but you came back, didn't you? Here you are."

"Here I am," Merlin agrees after a moment. It's strange, really, how he had managed to stay away for so long. His place is here, in Camelot, and now he's once again at Arthur's side. Maybe a different Arthur, but a prince of Camelot all the same. Hopefully, this prince would have a long time to learn how to be a king, and in the meantime, Merlin would serve his queen to the best of his abilities. He would serve Camelot. That had always been his destiny. The Once and Future King would rise again one day, and though it saddened Merlin that it would not be for a very long time, he could satisfy himself by focusing on the Camelot that was here now. He would continue Arthur's legacy, and uphold everything they had worked to build to the best of his abilities.

"So?" Gwen asks. "Will you stay?"

"I'll stay," Merlin replies, watching as Arthur swoops through the last of his imaginary enemies and turns excitedly to Gaius to tell him all about the battle. "I'm not leaving again. I will always stay."

ooooo

So this is technically the end, but I couldn't leave out Merlin reuniting with the knights, so that's what the next chapter is!


	2. Chapter 2

Extra about Merlin reuniting with the knights!

ooooo

"So I'll wait here, and then when they come in, tell them something about… I don't know. Something. And then I'll walk out."

"Merlin-"

"No, no, this has to be dramatic! It may just be Leon and Percival, but that doesn't mean it has to be boring."

Gwen sighs. "Fine. Get behind the column. They'll be here any second."

Merlin grins and darts behind one of the stone pillars. He and Gwen are in the small chambers where Arthur used to listen to people's problems and concerns. That's Gwen's job, now.

The doors at the end of the room open, and Leon and Percival stride in in their armor, red capes flowing behind them. Merlin has to stop himself from running out to meet them. They're all that's left of Arthur's original round table knights, and next to Gaius and Gwen, they're the people he knows best in Camelot.

"Your Majesty," Leon inclines his head, and Percival follows suit. "Your note said it was something urgent?" He looks slightly concerned, but Percival seems more curious than worried.

Gwen smiles. "An old friend has returned to Camelot." She turns to where Merlin is hiding. He steps out from behind the column, spreading his arms wide. Percival and Leon are silent, seemingly too shocked to say anything.

"Well?" Merlin asks. "Didn't you miss me or anything?"

"Merlin!" Percival exclaims finally, and strides forward to give him a rib-crushing hug. Merlin had forgotten just how big Percival was.

"It's good to see you, Merlin." Leon is a little more composed than Percival, but still hugs Merlin tightly, and both knights are smiling brightly when Leon pulls away.

"Where have you been? We thought maybe…" Leon trails off.

"I know, I know, everyone's been saying that." Merlin looks at them earnestly. "And I'm sorry for not returning before, I truly am. But I'm here now, if you'll have me."

"You're one of the team, Merlin, and you always will be." Percival shrugs, and glances at Leon. "Besides, I always thought it'd be good to have some magic on our side."

"It's true, isn't it?" Leon asks. Merlin nods. "Then I believe a thank you is in order. For everything you did for Arthur. For Camelot."

"I wish I could've done just a little bit more, in the end," Merlin replies quietly.

Gwen reaches out and takes his hand. "It's all right. You're here now."

"I'm going to do everything I can to make things right," Merlin says. "I will not abandon Camelot again." He looks around at the four of them. They may be the only ones left, but they would be enough, and they would never stop fighting for the world Arthur had longed to build.

Percival claps Merlin on the shoulder. "Welcome home, Merlin."

Merlin grins. He is indeed, finally, home.

ooooo

So I hope you enjoyed that! Please review!


End file.
